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“The
biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.”
- Deborah
Tannen Ph.D
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy is an experience
that can be empowering to all relationships. Couples therapy works to create a space in which new possibilities become available
to transform relationship struggles into a renewed commitment to personal growth and transformation. Some of the common struggles
presented in couple’s therapy include; • Feeling unheard and unsupported by ones partner; • Ceasing to be curious about one another;
• Feeling that the relationship
has lost it’s passion and spontaneity; • Feeling “bored” in the relationship; • Not knowing how to allow oneself to be loved
and cared for; •
Avoiding dealing with resentments; • Struggles with “communication”; • Unproductive models of relationship that advocate “emotional fusion”
and the submersion of the self in intimate relationships; • Not feeling desired or desire for your partner;
• Low or no sexual desire;
• Infidelity and affairs
What can I expect in couples therapy? Couples therapy requires a commitment to work on
your relationship and a willingness to risk intimacy and growth that, at times, can be quite uncomfortable. Couples therapy
requires that both partners be willing to look at what they have contributed to the relationship, own what is theirs, and
be willing to discontinue unproductive behaviors while learning how to be “grown ups” with one another.
Couples therapy will always be tailored
to the needs of the couple that enters the office – there is no “one size fits all” approach to therapt.
However, you can expect the following events to occur in treatment; - A respectful and supportive environment in which you, your partner and your
relationship will be honored;
- Exploring
new ways to be in relationship with one another that do not hold you, or your partner, hostage to anxiety, fear and control;
- Developing new tools and skills that support personal
and relationship integrity, honesty and intimacy;
- Developing a personal voice in your relationship that does not require your partners approval
or validation;
- Trusting
your self, and your partner, to share the best of who you are with one another.
Book Recommendations: John Gottman and Nan Silver. (1999). The Seven
Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from The Countries Foremost Relationship Expert. New York. Random House,
Inc.
David Schnarch. (1997). Passionate
Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, Inc.
Esther Perel. (2006). Mating in
Captivity: Reconciling The Erotic and The Domestic. New York: Harper Collins Publishers.
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